The road not taken
We missed the chance to attend a wedding banquet yesterday. Two days (!) before, one of Yau Neih's fellow English teachers knocked on the door and invited us to the bash. Unfortunately, we already had plans to attend a party at Joan and Michael's at 6:00. The invitation was for 4:30, but I was pretty sure that Yau Neih wouldn't want the hassle of trying to attend both events. (That's one of those areas where we differ.) I tried to give the excuse that our in-laws were going to be in town, but the bride-to-be just said to bring them, too. Ah, you gotta love China. Anyway, I mumbled maybe, and she went on down the hall to invite Joan and Michael. While I waited for Yau Neih to return home, I pulled Encountering the Chinese off the shelf and looked to see what it said about turning down wedding invitations. Of course, it had no advice on that particular subject. ("Turn down a free meal? Why would you do that?") When Yau Neih came home and confirmed my suspicions, and voted to decline the invitation. She went over to consult with Joan and Michael. According to them, the polite thing to do is to show up at the bride's flat earlier in the day and give them a gift along with your regrets. So, that's what we planned to do.Come Thursday, we were visiting with my jet-lagged in-laws. Yau Neih had two classes in the morning, but between them, we were going to deliver our well-wishes. I was doing something in the kitchen when I heard the firecrackers go off nearby. (Hearing firecrackers is an almost weekly event here, but this was the first time I knew what they were for.) Immediately afterwards we heard a lot of laughing and shouting down the hall--probably the wedding guests heading up to the sixth floor. Later, Yau Neih arrived at home and we headed up there, too. The stairwell was strewn with confetti and flower petals. Outside of the apartment were a handful of plastic stools circled around a stove that was made to look like a campfire. The door to the apartment was open and as soon as we were seen we were invited in. There were quite a number of folks in the flat--in one room, a game of mah jong was going on. They offered us some candy and cigarettes, and the bride came out decked in the typical red wedding dress. (Wish I had known about those when I was getting married. I might have tried talking Yau Neih into wearing one of those.)(Yeah, I know, like there was any chance of that happening...) We expressed our regrets and she right away figured it was because of Joan and Michael's bash. Ah, well, what can you do? She didn't seem to be miffed or anything. So we went back home, followed by one of the bride's friends, who wanted the phone number of one of the other Americans here.
I have mixed feelings about the whole event... or non-event, as the case may be. There's a bit of a double standard in my mind when dealing with the locals or with my fellow expatriates. Chinese folks rate a higher level of politeness, as I feel obliged to honor my hosts. The ex-pats, I more easily take for granted. Whether this is an attitude that needs changing or not, I don't know. Of course, I suppose it really doesn't matter so long as I have a wife to handle my social calendar.
posted by John @ 7:14 AM
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